It was a hot Singapore evening, and I’d set out to do yet another daygame session at Orchard Road, a 10 minute subway ride from where I was staying. Nervousness and anxiety from settling into a new city was still affecting my sets. “Do at least 15 sets today” I said to myself, knowing that the best remedy for anxiety is facing your fears head on and letting go of your thoughts, letting down your guard and letting your true self shine through, be it for approval or disapproval.
I did ten sets, most of them blowouts. I was having fun, but nervousness and fidgeting was messing me up. A couple more sets and I was starting to relax. Then I meet Zak, and walked with him for 2 minutes before seeing a gorgeous little Asian face walk by. I turned around, and front stopped her like I was in a slow motion film. We chatted, and she seemed sceptical at first, maintaining a safety distance of at least 1 metre, but starts getting into it after a while. I notice she’s not wearing a bra, with the contours of her breasts showing clearly under a thin t-shirt. She has a native sounding American accent, although she tells me she’s Singaporean. She’s an art student, and shows me her paintings on her instagram. They’re intense and vulgar, as if they were drawn by a mental patient. One of them depicted a girl masturbating, everything showing. I said “is that a self portrait?” and she responded “yeah, sometimes”. She asks me if I’m with friends. I said I was with my friends but he’s a big boy and can take care of himself. I probe her logistics a bit, she doesn’t seem to be up to much. I sense it’s on. I say something along the lines of “Listen _____, I have a spare 10 minutes, if you have a spare 10 minutes, let’s go for a quick coffee.” She is reluctant, but I lead and take her with me. We get a coffee and I realise I’m a little off my game, since I haven’t been on a date for a while. I focus on relaxing, enjoying the moment and having fun. I notice her eyes light up each time I tell a personal story off of a subject we’re talking about. The connection is alright, but the interaction is a bit boring. But she seems into me, and I keep going forward. I do my normal kino routines of thumb wrestling, looking into each others eyes without laughing, examining tattoos, rings etc. She’s totally comfortable with touch.
She is 18 years old, but acts like she’s lived twice as long. Not in a mature or stuck up way, but in a dark and blasé way. She tells me she does drugs. Crystal meth. She pops a Xanax pill, which she says helps her calm down. At one point, she seemed distant, almost like she’s in a dream. One of her many tattoos is a circle on her inner forearm. She says it’s a symbol for life. I notice weird circular little scars next to and inside the circle. They look like somebody put smarties candies under her skin. Cigarette burns. I think I notice scars from cutting as well. The conversation tends to take really dark paths which I feel is making me uncomfortable. She is really open about her problems, about how she’s lost a lot of weight because she’s had a holiday where she’s relapsed into taking drugs. It’s unsettling. A tinge of guilt enters my mind as I routinely plot how I’m going to get her to my bedroom. I decide I need to have empathy. Not to get the lay but because it’s simply the right way to be. I put my hands on her soft forearms and say “I feel bad for you!”, looking at her like you’d look at a Syrian child war victim, but with a smile to not make it too melodramatic. She laughs, and the awkward tension is released. I feel okay to continue escalating. I realise I haven’t researched any good date venues near my place. I do the best I can and say “Let’s go for a walk around *the name of the area I live in*”. She says okay. We compare shoe sizes as we get up and I tell her how much smaller her feet are than mine. She says “You’re feet aren’t THAT big. You what that means right? Is it true?”. Shit test detected. I tell her “I don’t wanna brag, but it’s 50 inches. We laugh and joke about it. What’s at *the name of the area I live in* by the way? I decide it’s not fair to lie. “It’s quite pretty, and plus I live there so it’ll be easier for me to get home, haha”. She gets it. Apparently her art school is there.
We arrive at my area and I start to think about what to do. I decide that it’s too early to just pull her home. The energy was too low from the boring subway ride and to bring her home now could make things backfire. I decide we should go for a drink, and find a nearby place on google maps. We spend 15 minutes trying to find the god damn place, before we give up. Luckily, the vibe has improved now. I say “Hey, I got some wine at my place, let’s just go there.” She complies easily. This is not a girl who judges herself. Rare, but helpful. We go to my place, into my tiny little room. She sits on one side of the bed, and I make sure to lean back on the other side and let her come to me. After a huge parodical build up I show her my non existent Chinese flute skills, before we play Creep by Radiohead together, her singing and me playing my melodica. Now we’re sitting close to each other on the bed, and we’re talking. I put my hands on her thighs as I’m speaking. It feels totally natural. She shows me a sexy collar that apparently she always carries around in her hand bag. I ask if I can put it on her, and she says, in a begging voice, like a dog whimpering “Not too hard”. Fuck yeah I think, putting it on. I lean back again, and notice she’s getting closer to me. The numerous times I’ve over escalated have taught me a better balance now between on and off, push and pull. It’s about not being afraid of pulling the trigger, which in turn causes you not to rush it, and makes her feel like you are non needy and confident. She leans over me and shows me a massage technique of her moms. It consisted of running your fingers from the top of the other persons forehead through their hair, while maintaining really high pressure. It felt awesome. I told her I’d do it on her, but she has to lie down first. She closes her eyes as I do it, and I, savouring the sexual tension we’ve built between each other, kiss her. Clothes start coming off and magic ensues. She even put on a super kinky playsuit that she also had in her bag (wtf).