London update: Sickness, text game and revelations

Oh, the never ending winter sickness. As soon as temperatures go below 15 degrees I can almost be certain that daygaming every day, or any other outdoors activity, is going to result in me getting the sniffles, headaches and generally feeling like shit. Countless doctors have not been able to tell me why this is.

I got sick last week, and was forced to take some days off. Frustrating. So instead of going out every day doing at least 10 sets, my average has been about 5 sets per day. This has taken away some of my momentum, but also made my vibe slightly better as I’m not emotionally burned out from incessant approaching.

Currently I have a couple of different girls I’m texting with. We’ll call them:

Saanvi
Viktoria
Violeta
Alia

Saanvi, a petite Indian cutie from London has fallen off the radar since she seems busy and didn’t get back to me like she said she would about making plans on Thursday.

saanvi

Viktoria is Russian/Greek/Georgian/Ukrainian/Whatever the fuck, has a hot skinny body and is playing hard to get. I have a feeling she’s just enjoying the ego boost of having a guy chasing her. We set up a date for Sunday but she flaked on it, so I’ll vacuum for a few days. Texting has been flirtatious and fun.

viktoria

Violeta is a fresh number close. Swiss/Latin American girl who studies design in Cambridge. She doesn’t seem super down but we have been texting back and forth quite a lot. We’ll see what happens.

violeta

Alia was a girl I was certain would come out for a date, but she postponed the date once and then said she got sick. I’ll ping her someday soon.

She facebook closed me over text. She said it was because she didn't have credit on her phone very often. But it might as well have been to check my value.

She facebook closed me over text. She said it was because she didn’t have credit on her phone very often. But it might as well have been to check my value.

The most positive thing right now is the mind shift that I’m going through in my game. This mind shift has had three different components:

  1. Stopping the technical micro management


  2. Instead of focusing on technique and the physical movements that constitute a good pick up, I’ve gone back to focusing on the feeling, the vibe of the set, and trying to make it as good as possible. A good pickup artist isn’t a robot that micro manages technique. A good pickup artist has strong emotional control and entitlement, along with an underlying understanding of the technique of pickup. 


  3. Starting to trust the process and not chasing individual results


  4. 

I’m starting to let go of the individual results, the individual girls I’m trying to seduce and just putting my focus on taking the correct action. I’m starting to stop getting upset because of the success my wingmen are having and bad days that I might be having, instead focusing on what I can do to increase results in the long term. This naturally decreases neediness and outcome dependence.


  5. Embracing the discomfort I might feel in set


  6. 

I’ve felt uncomfortable with doing pickup in London largely throughout my stay here. Before, I would fight it, but I’m realising now that the more I fight it, the bigger the discomfort is going to be. The trick is to go into the discomfort and just accepting it. With time, the discomfort will be reduced.

I can feel my cold is going to be over in a few days. When I’m well again, the plan is to listen to my body and to not ignore tell tale signs that I’m getting sick so I won’t get knocked out by a cold again. Until then, I’ll go out for a short session every day to get as much practice in as I can.

Action, Action, Action! (How to be more confident in pickup)

For a couple of weeks now I have been living in London, the main purpose being to perfect my daygame skill. It’s proven a challenge to go to a new city with all it’s difficulties, get a job in an industry that is radically different from the ones you’re used to, and at the same time remain confident and grounded enough to run good daygame. If the first days, my vibe was a disaster. Girls would smell my weakness and blow me out, usually right off the open. As the days passed and I kept grinding, I had a realisation. It is not a surprising one, and it is one that any successful member of the pickup community already knows. Nevertheless, this realisation is probably the single most important one a pickup artist can adhere to.

With action comes confidence.

Let me elaborate. The number one way to gain confidence in an uncomfortable situation is to put yourself in that situation. This shouldn’t be surprising to you. But let’s go one level deeper. How about the amount of which you need to put yourself in a particular situation in order to become more confident in it?

Let’s use on of men’s favourite metaphors for explanation: The gym. When you go to the gym, you probably know that you won’t get noticeably stronger by lifting one weight one time and then going home. There needs to be a bigger effort on your part in order to see a long time strength increase. The same rings true in game. Going out once a week and doing one single approach before going home isn’t going to be enough for a normal person for a noticeable gain in confidence. I haven’t done a scientific study on this, but my guess would be that for me personally, even 10 approaches per week isn’t going to increase my confidence in game over time. It might slow down my confidence decline after having done over 10 sets every day for several months, but it’s not going to increase my confidence.

A useful metaphor

A useful metaphor

The key is to find your own necessary practice amount. You are a special little snowflake and no amount of reading blogs and learning about other people’s experiences is going to teach you how much action is needed for you to improve your confidence. If you are an active daygamer now (props, few people go from reading about doing pickup to actually doing pickup) you need to take a look at how much action your taking and how much progress you are making. If you’re unsatisfied or feel like you should be progressing faster, try bumping up your work rate. The amount of sets you do is the number one component of your action that affects your confidence. You’re doing 10 sets a day and you still feel uncomfortable doing a front stop on a busy street? Try doing 15 a day. See how it changes you.